Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

My mother was awarded the Serbian medal of freedom
for raising 3 dysfunctional Croatian sons.

My mother was awarded the Serbian medal of freedom
for raising 3 dysfunctional Croatian sons.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver…and since he is so busy, you'd probably read more

I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver…and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.

Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.

Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.

Nobody ever died of laughter.

Nobody ever died of laughter.

I said that Sean Hannity took residence up Newt Gingrich's
butt from 94 to 98. I got that from British read more

I said that Sean Hannity took residence up Newt Gingrich's
butt from 94 to 98. I got that from British intelligence.
It turns out he only took up residence in 95.

I've always been very zealous about not invading other people's private spaces.

I've always been very zealous about not invading other people's private spaces.

Optimism: The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything read more

Optimism: The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong.