George Carlin

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is read more

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set read more

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.