George Carlin

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.