George Carlin

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his read more

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.