Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold read more

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. 'Hear that?' you say, 'That's dynamite, baby.'

Learn to laugh at your troubles and you'll never run out of things to laugh at.

Learn to laugh at your troubles and you'll never run out of things to laugh at.

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.

The seal went into the restaurant and was asked
by the waiter if he would like a Canadian Club
on read more

The seal went into the restaurant and was asked
by the waiter if he would like a Canadian Club
on the rocks.
He replied
no thank you.

Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but read more

Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.

The British tourist was asked
what he thought of the
Grand Canyon.. and wrote
back
'gorge-ous'.

The British tourist was asked
what he thought of the
Grand Canyon.. and wrote
back
'gorge-ous'.

a Christmas tree .. the perfect gift
for a guy... the plant is already dead
(monologue Dec 10 2003).

a Christmas tree .. the perfect gift
for a guy... the plant is already dead
(monologue Dec 10 2003).

Americans are pragmatic, relatively uncomplicated, hearty and given to broad humor.

Americans are pragmatic, relatively uncomplicated, hearty and given to broad humor.