The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.

The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.

I never dare to write
As funny as I can.

I never dare to write
As funny as I can.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything read more

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic
genius.

Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic
genius.

Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.

Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and read more

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one read more

I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.

We never respect those who amuse us, however we may smile at their comic powers.

We never respect those who amuse us, however we may smile at their comic powers.