Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and read more

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

I think 'Country Girl' is one song that can veer into country or hip-hop or rap. You can listen to read more

I think 'Country Girl' is one song that can veer into country or hip-hop or rap. You can listen to it and enjoy the humor and the fun in it.

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a read more

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using read more

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of read more

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by read more

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.

Learn to laugh at your troubles and you'll never run out of things to laugh at.

Learn to laugh at your troubles and you'll never run out of things to laugh at.

Americans are pragmatic, relatively uncomplicated, hearty and given to broad humor.

Americans are pragmatic, relatively uncomplicated, hearty and given to broad humor.