I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such read more

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.