The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say, “I want to see the manager.”

What you get free costs too much.

What you get free costs too much.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story read more

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.