My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.