I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such read more

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like read more

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

The bikini is the most important thing since the atom bomb.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

I've seen the future and it's much like the present only longer.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was read more

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.