I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Existentialism means that no one else can take a bath for you.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are read more

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself