It'd be a terrific innovation if you could get your mind to stretch a little further than the next wisecrack.

It'd be a terrific innovation if you could get your mind to stretch a little further than the next wisecrack.

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if read more

The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved.

Insults should be written in sand, compliments should be carved in stone

Insults should be written in sand, compliments should be carved in stone

Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.

Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.

A stiff apology is a second insult... The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been read more

A stiff apology is a second insult... The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt.

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

The way to procure insults is to submit to them: a man meets with no more respect than he exacts.

The way to procure insults is to submit to them: a man meets with no more respect than he exacts.

I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.

I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.