Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants

Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants

I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think

Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think

Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our
cooks.

Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our
cooks.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I\'m not hungry enough to eat six.

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I\'m not hungry enough to eat six.

Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live.

Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live.

Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate.

Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants.