Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants

Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I\'m not hungry enough to eat six.

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I\'m not hungry enough to eat six.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think

Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think

Sacred cows make the best hamburger

Sacred cows make the best hamburger

Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.

Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.

A good, honest, wholesome, hungry breakfast.

A good, honest, wholesome, hungry breakfast.