Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants

Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants

Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our
cooks.

Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our
cooks.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

Sacred cows make the best hamburger

Sacred cows make the best hamburger

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think

Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think

Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live.

Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live.

A good, honest, wholesome, hungry breakfast.

A good, honest, wholesome, hungry breakfast.