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Humor has been the balm of my life, but it's been reserved for those close to me, not part of read more
Humor has been the balm of my life, but it's been reserved for those close to me, not part of the public Lana.
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by read more
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live read more
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, read more
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's read more
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus.
I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people.
