I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus.

I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus.

If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor.

If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor.

Humor is reason gone mad.

Humor is reason gone mad.

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I read more

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said 'Now who's asking the questions?'

Those who are serious in ridiculous matters will be ridiculous in serious matters.

Those who are serious in ridiculous matters will be ridiculous in serious matters.

Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully.

Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold read more

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. 'Hear that?' you say, 'That's dynamite, baby.'

Unconscious humor.

Unconscious humor.

Americans are pragmatic, relatively uncomplicated, hearty and given to broad humor.

Americans are pragmatic, relatively uncomplicated, hearty and given to broad humor.