Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it 'dull' that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull?
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I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one read more
I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
The gods too are fond of a joke.
The gods too are fond of a joke.
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and read more
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to read more
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's read more
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
The seal went into the restaurant and was asked
by the waiter if he would like a Canadian Club
on read more
The seal went into the restaurant and was asked
by the waiter if he would like a Canadian Club
on the rocks.
He replied
no thank you.
