Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it 'dull' that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull?
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Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.
Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.
The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold read more
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. 'Hear that?' you say, 'That's dynamite, baby.'
Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you read more
Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out read more
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
WARNING: Humor may be hazardous to your illness.
WARNING: Humor may be hazardous to your illness.
Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I read more
Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said 'Now who's asking the questions?'
