One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
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A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of read more
A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' read more
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold read more
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. 'Hear that?' you say, 'That's dynamite, baby.'
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people.
Humore is an affirmation of man's dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him.
Humore is an affirmation of man's dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him.
Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.
If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.
