If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a read more

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

Optimism: The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything read more

Optimism: The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain.

The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain.

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live read more

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.

If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.

Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.

Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.

Nobody ever died of laughter.

Nobody ever died of laughter.

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to read more

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.