With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.

My mother was awarded the Serbian medal of freedom
for raising 3 dysfunctional Croatian sons.

My mother was awarded the Serbian medal of freedom
for raising 3 dysfunctional Croatian sons.

Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.

Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.

Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you read more

Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

The seal went into the restaurant and was asked
by the waiter if he would like a Canadian Club
on read more

The seal went into the restaurant and was asked
by the waiter if he would like a Canadian Club
on the rocks.
He replied
no thank you.

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me read more

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is read more

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

A rich man's joke is always funny.

A rich man's joke is always funny.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.