If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like 'Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!' and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, 'That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.' Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice.
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Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's read more
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
WARNING: Humor may be hazardous to your illness.
WARNING: Humor may be hazardous to your illness.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver…and since he is so busy, you'd probably read more
I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver…and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.
Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic
genius.
Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic
genius.
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and read more
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
