I wish there were more humor in my work than I see in it.

I wish there were more humor in my work than I see in it.

The gods too are fond of a joke.

The gods too are fond of a joke.

Miss Piggy to Johnny Carson
.. do you think I am Oscar material?
Johnny Carson: Oscar Mayer maybe
NBC Tonight read more

Miss Piggy to Johnny Carson
.. do you think I am Oscar material?
Johnny Carson: Oscar Mayer maybe
NBC Tonight Show writers
http://www.mad-cow.org.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold read more

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. 'Hear that?' you say, 'That's dynamite, baby.'

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using read more

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' read more

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'

Wit is cultured insolence.

Wit is cultured insolence.