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    Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.

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  18  /  21  

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he read more

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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  17  /  11  

Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.

Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.

by Eminem Found in: Humor Quotes,
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  14  /  20  

Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long read more

Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

by Mark Twain Found in: Humor Quotes,
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If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say read more

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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  24  /  40  

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was read more

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the inpression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic
genius.

Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic
genius.

by Thomas Carlyle Found in: Humor Quotes,
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If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked read more

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me.".

by Jack Handy Found in: Deep thoughts Quotes,
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me read more

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

by Jack Handey Found in: Humor Quotes,
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