Great wits are sure to madness near allied,
And thin partitions do their bounds divide.

Great wits are sure to madness near allied,
And thin partitions do their bounds divide.

I never dare to write
As funny as I can.

I never dare to write
As funny as I can.

Wit is the only wall between us and the dark.

Wit is the only wall between us and the dark.

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me read more

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor.

If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold read more

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. 'Hear that?' you say, 'That's dynamite, baby.'

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is read more

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

To be witty is not enough. One must possess sufficient wit to avoid having too much of it.

To be witty is not enough. One must possess sufficient wit to avoid having too much of it.

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using read more

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.