To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if read more

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand?' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I read more

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said 'Now who's asking the questions?'

He who has provoked the shaft of wit, cannot complain that he smarts from it.

He who has provoked the shaft of wit, cannot complain that he smarts from it.

Wit's an unruly engine, wildly striking
Sometimes a friend, sometimes the engineer:
Hast thou the knack? pamper read more

Wit's an unruly engine, wildly striking
Sometimes a friend, sometimes the engineer:
Hast thou the knack? pamper it not with liking;
But if thou want it, buy it not too deare
Many affecting wit beyond their power,
Have got to be a deare fool for an houre.

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by read more

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.

Wit is a sword; it is meant to make people feel the point as well as see it.

Wit is a sword; it is meant to make people feel the point as well as see it.

Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any read more

Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit.

Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.

Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter read more

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.