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If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a read more
If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like 'Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!' and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, 'That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.' Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice.
If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the read more
If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.
Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter read more
Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.
I never dare to write
As funny as I can.
I never dare to write
As funny as I can.
A rich man's joke is always funny.
A rich man's joke is always funny.
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and read more
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself.
A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself.
Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but read more
Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all.
