I hope they notice the mistletoe tied to my coattails as I leave town.

I hope they notice the mistletoe tied to my coattails as I leave town.

I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.

I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.

Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.

Never insult anyone by accident.

Never insult anyone by accident.

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.

Insults should be written in sand, compliments should be carved in stone

Insults should be written in sand, compliments should be carved in stone

You will find that silence or very gentle words are the most exquisite revenge for insult.

You will find that silence or very gentle words are the most exquisite revenge for insult.

It'd be a terrific innovation if you could get your mind to stretch a little further than the next wisecrack.

It'd be a terrific innovation if you could get your mind to stretch a little further than the next wisecrack.