A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

The way to procure insults is to submit to them: a man meets with no more respect than he exacts.

The way to procure insults is to submit to them: a man meets with no more respect than he exacts.

I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.

I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.

The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if read more

The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved.

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

It'd be a terrific innovation if you could get your mind to stretch a little further than the next wisecrack.

It'd be a terrific innovation if you could get your mind to stretch a little further than the next wisecrack.

I hope they notice the mistletoe tied to my coattails as I leave town.

I hope they notice the mistletoe tied to my coattails as I leave town.

I can't believe that out of 10,000 sperm, you were the quickest.

I can't believe that out of 10,000 sperm, you were the quickest.