Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.

If you can't ignore an insult, top it; if you can't top it, laugh it off; and if you can't read more

If you can't ignore an insult, top it; if you can't top it, laugh it off; and if you can't laugh it off, it's probably deserved.

I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.

I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.

Insults should be written in sand, compliments should be carved in stone

Insults should be written in sand, compliments should be carved in stone

Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.

Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.

When will the public cease to insult the teacher's calling with empty flattery? When will men who would never for read more

When will the public cease to insult the teacher's calling with empty flattery? When will men who would never for a moment encourage their own sons to enter the work of the public schools cease to tell us that education is the greatest and noblest of all human callings?

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

She has the answer to everything and the solution to nothing.

She has the answer to everything and the solution to nothing.

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."