Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.

Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.

A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults.

A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

It'd be a terrific innovation if you could get your mind to stretch a little further than the next wisecrack.

It'd be a terrific innovation if you could get your mind to stretch a little further than the next wisecrack.

She has the answer to everything and the solution to nothing.

She has the answer to everything and the solution to nothing.

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.

I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.

If you can't ignore an insult, top it; if you can't top it, laugh it off; and if you can't read more

If you can't ignore an insult, top it; if you can't top it, laugh it off; and if you can't laugh it off, it's probably deserved.