I hope they notice the mistletoe tied to my coattails as I leave town.

I hope they notice the mistletoe tied to my coattails as I leave town.

If you can't ignore an insult, top it; if you can't top it, laugh it off; and if you can't read more

If you can't ignore an insult, top it; if you can't top it, laugh it off; and if you can't laugh it off, it's probably deserved.

The way to procure insults is to submit to them: a man meets with no more respect than he exacts.

The way to procure insults is to submit to them: a man meets with no more respect than he exacts.

It'd be a terrific innovation if you could get your mind to stretch a little further than the next wisecrack.

It'd be a terrific innovation if you could get your mind to stretch a little further than the next wisecrack.

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

Never insult anyone by accident.

Never insult anyone by accident.

A stiff apology is a second insult... The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been read more

A stiff apology is a second insult... The injured party does not want to be compensated because he has been wronged; he wants to be healed because he has been hurt.

Insults should be written in sand, compliments should be carved in stone

Insults should be written in sand, compliments should be carved in stone