I hope they notice the mistletoe tied to my coattails as I leave town.

I hope they notice the mistletoe tied to my coattails as I leave town.

It'd be a terrific innovation if you could get your mind to stretch a little further than the next wisecrack.

It'd be a terrific innovation if you could get your mind to stretch a little further than the next wisecrack.

Insults should be written in sand, compliments should be carved in stone

Insults should be written in sand, compliments should be carved in stone

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.

Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.

I've had a wonderful evening - but this wasn't it.

She has the answer to everything and the solution to nothing.

She has the answer to everything and the solution to nothing.

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.

Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.