Life is a B Movie: it's stupid and it's strange, it's a directionless story, the dialogue is lame, but in read more

Life is a B Movie: it's stupid and it's strange, it's a directionless story, the dialogue is lame, but in the 'he said she said' sometimes there's some poetry, if you turn your back long enough and let it happen naturally.

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. read more

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause — you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

I watched Titanic when I got back home from the hospital, and cried. I knew that my IQ had been read more

I watched Titanic when I got back home from the hospital, and cried. I knew that my IQ had been damaged.

My reaction to porno films is as follows; After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw, read more

My reaction to porno films is as follows; After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw, After the first twenty minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live

The film begins with the title card from an Old Arabian Proverb: And the Prophet said, 'And lo, the beast read more

The film begins with the title card from an Old Arabian Proverb: And the Prophet said, 'And lo, the beast looked upon the face of beauty. And it stayed its hand from killing. And from that day, it was as one dead.'

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

A film is a petrified fountain of thought.

A film is a petrified fountain of thought.

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, read more

Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

It struck me that the movies had spent more than half a century saying, "They lived happily ever after" and read more

It struck me that the movies had spent more than half a century saying, "They lived happily ever after" and the following quarter-century warning that they'll be lucky to make it through the weekend. Possibly now we are now entering a third era in which the movies will be sounding a note of cautious optimism: You know it just might work.