Keep a grateful journal. Every night, list five things that happened this day that you are grateful for. What it read more

Keep a grateful journal. Every night, list five things that happened this day that you are grateful for. What it will begin to do is change your perspective of your day and your life. If you can learn to focus on what you have, you will always see that the universe is abundant; you will have more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never have enough.

In feature films the director is God; in documentary films God is the director.

In feature films the director is God; in documentary films God is the director.

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take read more

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. read more

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause — you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

Men forget everything; women remember everything.

Men forget everything; women remember everything.

That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it.

A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it.

Fortunately I know how to counter it, the man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a read more

Fortunately I know how to counter it, the man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink. The man who was sleeping drinks it while listening to a proposition, from the man who did the waking.

My reaction to porno films is as follows; After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw, read more

My reaction to porno films is as follows; After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw, After the first twenty minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live