Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

Though bachelors be the strongest stakes, married men are the best binders, in the hedge of the commonwealth.

Though bachelors be the strongest stakes, married men are the best binders, in the hedge of the commonwealth.

Love is blind and marriage is the institution for the blind.

Love is blind and marriage is the institution for the blind.

A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry is to a woman.

A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry is to a woman.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

Ne'er take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.

Ne'er take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.

I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to read more

I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year.

Men don't know much about women. We do know when they're happy. We know when they're crying, and we know read more

Men don't know much about women. We do know when they're happy. We know when they're crying, and we know when they're pissed off. We just don't know in what order these are gonna come at us.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.