God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if read more

God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if he finds her.

The kind of power mothers have is enormous. Take the skyline of Istanbul -- enormous breasts, pathetic little willies, a read more

The kind of power mothers have is enormous. Take the skyline of Istanbul -- enormous breasts, pathetic little willies, a final revenge on Islam. I was so scared I had to crouch in the bottom of the boat when I saw it.

The most expensive wedding usually ends with the quickest divorce.

The most expensive wedding usually ends with the quickest divorce.

If ever two were one, then surely we. If ever man were loved by wife, then thee.

If ever two were one, then surely we. If ever man were loved by wife, then thee.

When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

There are two types of people. Those we who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!" and read more

There are two types of people. Those we who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!" and those who come in and say, "Ah, there you are.".

In peace the sons bury their fathers, but in war the fathers bury their sons.

In peace the sons bury their fathers, but in war the fathers bury their sons.

Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where read more

Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where they worship arrested development.