I have come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason, I can never be read more

I have come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason, I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to have me.

They say that women talk too much. If you have worked in congress you know that the filibuster was invented read more

They say that women talk too much. If you have worked in congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men. -Clare Booth Luce.

The kind of power mothers have is enormous. Take the skyline of Istanbul -- enormous breasts, pathetic little willies, a read more

The kind of power mothers have is enormous. Take the skyline of Istanbul -- enormous breasts, pathetic little willies, a final revenge on Islam. I was so scared I had to crouch in the bottom of the boat when I saw it.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.

Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on.

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on.

I've had the boyhood thing of being Elvis. Now I want to be with my best friend, and my best read more

I've had the boyhood thing of being Elvis. Now I want to be with my best friend, and my best friend's my wife. Who could ask for anything more?

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.

The person who can be only serious or only cheerful, is but half a man.

The person who can be only serious or only cheerful, is but half a man.