Don't you realize that as long as you have to sit down to pee, you'll never be a dominant force read more

Don't you realize that as long as you have to sit down to pee, you'll never be a dominant force in the world? You'll never be a convincing technocrat or middle manager. Because people will know. She's in there sitting down.

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

If Mr. Vincent Price were to be co-starred with Miss Bette Davis in a story by Mr. Edgar Allan Poe read more

If Mr. Vincent Price were to be co-starred with Miss Bette Davis in a story by Mr. Edgar Allan Poe directed by Mr. Roger Corman, it could not fully express the pent-up violence and depravity of a single day in the life of the average family.

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.

An ounce of mother is worth a pound of clergy.

The family is the nucleus of civilization.

The family is the nucleus of civilization.

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your read more

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

Want him to be more of a man? Try being more of a woman!

Want him to be more of a man? Try being more of a woman!