The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

There's a woman in China having a baby every 6 minutes.
They're trying to find her to stop her.

There's a woman in China having a baby every 6 minutes.
They're trying to find her to stop her.

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out read more

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold read more

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. 'Hear that?' you say, 'That's dynamite, baby.'

Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.

Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.

I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver…and since he is so busy, you'd probably read more

I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver…and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself.

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself.