The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set read more

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.

People don't do things for you or against you, they do things for themselves - it's fortune, good or bad, read more

People don't do things for you or against you, they do things for themselves - it's fortune, good or bad, to be in the way

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.

The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.

I don't like to beat people down. They need to be lifted up.

I don't like to beat people down. They need to be lifted up.

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a read more

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

The people and circumstances around me do not make me what I am, they reveal who I am

The people and circumstances around me do not make me what I am, they reveal who I am