Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what read more

Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what you are getting.

I've had the boyhood thing of being Elvis. Now I want to be with my best friend, and my best read more

I've had the boyhood thing of being Elvis. Now I want to be with my best friend, and my best friend's my wife. Who could ask for anything more?

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

What a dreadful thing it must be to have a dull father.

What a dreadful thing it must be to have a dull father.

A beautiful lady is an accident of nature. A beautiful old lady is a work of art.

A beautiful lady is an accident of nature. A beautiful old lady is a work of art.

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man.

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man.

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as read more

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

He knows little, who will tell his wife all he knows.

He knows little, who will tell his wife all he knows.

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...