The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

Diamonds never leave you... men do!

Diamonds never leave you... men do!

All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.

All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.

Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended.

Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended.

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the read more

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut read more

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice read more

Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in theory, tend to view each other in practice as large teeming flaw colonies, the result being that they get on each other's nerves and regularly erupt into vicious emotional shouting matches over such issues as toaster settings.