Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the read more

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

In my case, adulthood itself was not an advance, although it was a useful waymark.

In my case, adulthood itself was not an advance, although it was a useful waymark.

There is nothing enduring in life for a woman except what she builds in a man's heart.

There is nothing enduring in life for a woman except what she builds in a man's heart.

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

The kind of power mothers have is enormous. Take the skyline of Istanbul -- enormous breasts, pathetic little willies, a read more

The kind of power mothers have is enormous. Take the skyline of Istanbul -- enormous breasts, pathetic little willies, a final revenge on Islam. I was so scared I had to crouch in the bottom of the boat when I saw it.

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how read more

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely read more

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed