The family is the nucleus of civilization.

The family is the nucleus of civilization.

If Mr. Vincent Price were to be co-starred with Miss Bette Davis in a story by Mr. Edgar Allan Poe read more

If Mr. Vincent Price were to be co-starred with Miss Bette Davis in a story by Mr. Edgar Allan Poe directed by Mr. Roger Corman, it could not fully express the pent-up violence and depravity of a single day in the life of the average family.

The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.

The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.

Women are most fascinating between the ages of thirty-five and forty, after they have won a few races and know read more

Women are most fascinating between the ages of thirty-five and forty, after they have won a few races and know how to pace themselves. Since few women ever pass forty, maximum fascination can continue indefinitely.

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as read more

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties.

To marry is to halve your rights and double your duties.

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what's left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.