A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry is to a woman.

A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry is to a woman.

I'm not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You're as old as you feel.

I'm not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You're as old as you feel.

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, read more

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.

Men are like a deck of cards. You'll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.

Men are like a deck of cards. You'll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

Girls are like butterflies...pretty to look at, too hard to catch.

Girls are like butterflies...pretty to look at, too hard to catch.

The awe and dread with which the untutored savage contemplates his mother-in-law are amongst the most familiar facts of anthropology.

The awe and dread with which the untutored savage contemplates his mother-in-law are amongst the most familiar facts of anthropology.

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be read more

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.