I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as read more

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.

I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

When women go wrong, men go right after them.

We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until we move from the passive voice to the read more

We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until we move from the passive voice to the active voice -- that is, until we have stopped saying "It got lost," and say, "I lost it.".

In the past decade or so, the women's magazines have taken to running home-handyperson articles suggesting that women can learn read more

In the past decade or so, the women's magazines have taken to running home-handyperson articles suggesting that women can learn to fix things just as well as men. These articles are apparently based on the ludicrous assumption that _men_ know how to fix things, when in fact all they know how to do is _look_ at things in a certain squinty-eyed manner, which they learned in Wood Shop; eventually, when enough things in the home are broken, they take a job requiring them to transfer to another home.

Some men are born with cold feet; some acquire cold feet; and some have cold feet thrust upon them.

Some men are born with cold feet; some acquire cold feet; and some have cold feet thrust upon them.

Don't you realize that as long as you have to sit down to pee, you'll never be a dominant force read more

Don't you realize that as long as you have to sit down to pee, you'll never be a dominant force in the world? You'll never be a convincing technocrat or middle manager. Because people will know. She's in there sitting down.

The most expensive wedding usually ends with the quickest divorce.

The most expensive wedding usually ends with the quickest divorce.

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.