Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother's love is not.

Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother's love is not.

Don't you realize that as long as you have to sit down to pee, you'll never be a dominant force read more

Don't you realize that as long as you have to sit down to pee, you'll never be a dominant force in the world? You'll never be a convincing technocrat or middle manager. Because people will know. She's in there sitting down.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would read more

One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would tell one anything.

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as read more

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home, which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young.

While farmers generally allow one rooster for ten hens, ten men are scarcely sufficient to service one woman.

While farmers generally allow one rooster for ten hens, ten men are scarcely sufficient to service one woman.

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...but she's certain that read more

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.

When a girl ceases to blush, she has lost the most powerful charm of her beauty.

When a girl ceases to blush, she has lost the most powerful charm of her beauty.