Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

While farmers generally allow one rooster for ten hens, ten men are scarcely sufficient to service one woman.

While farmers generally allow one rooster for ten hens, ten men are scarcely sufficient to service one woman.

Is it better for a woman to marry a man who loves her than a man she loves.

Is it better for a woman to marry a man who loves her than a man she loves.

Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind read more

The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.

I would be married, but I'd have no wife, I would be married to a single life.

I would be married, but I'd have no wife, I would be married to a single life.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".