In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.

In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.

One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would read more

One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that would tell one anything.

Men don't know much about women. We do know when they're happy. We know when they're crying, and we know read more

Men don't know much about women. We do know when they're happy. We know when they're crying, and we know when they're pissed off. We just don't know in what order these are gonna come at us.

The society of women is the element of good manners.

The society of women is the element of good manners.

The woman who is known only through a man is known wrong.

The woman who is known only through a man is known wrong.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where read more

Eternal boyhood is the dream of a depressing percentage of American males, and the locker room is the temple where they worship arrested development.

I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to read more

I'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year.