Where can a person be better than in the bosom of their family.

Where can a person be better than in the bosom of their family.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family does read more

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family does too.

There are two types of people. Those we who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!" and read more

There are two types of people. Those we who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!" and those who come in and say, "Ah, there you are.".

Girls are like butterflies...pretty to look at, too hard to catch.

Girls are like butterflies...pretty to look at, too hard to catch.

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.

Call no man your father upon the earth, for one is your Father, which is in heaven.

Call no man your father upon the earth, for one is your Father, which is in heaven.