All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.

All women are born evil. Some just realize their potential later in life than others.

Don't you realize that as long as you have to sit down to pee, you'll never be a dominant force read more

Don't you realize that as long as you have to sit down to pee, you'll never be a dominant force in the world? You'll never be a convincing technocrat or middle manager. Because people will know. She's in there sitting down.

If you want to know about a man you can find out an awful lot by looking at who he read more

If you want to know about a man you can find out an awful lot by looking at who he married.

While farmers generally allow one rooster for ten hens, ten men are scarcely sufficient to service one woman.

While farmers generally allow one rooster for ten hens, ten men are scarcely sufficient to service one woman.

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her read more

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. read more

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do....".

She'd have you spew up what you've drunk when you were out.

She'd have you spew up what you've drunk when you were out.

He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.

He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.

Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.

Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.