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A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold read more

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. 'Hear that?' you say, 'That's dynamite, baby.'

by Jack Handey Found in: Humor Quotes,
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It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.

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Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

by Edward De Bono Found in: Humor Quotes,
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I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus.

I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus.

by James Gibbons Found in: Humor Quotes,
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He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.

by Anthony Burgess Found in: Humor Quotes,
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I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using read more

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.

by Jack Handey Found in: Humor Quotes,
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The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

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Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

by Mark Twain Found in: Humor Quotes,
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I wish there were more humor in my work than I see in it.

I wish there were more humor in my work than I see in it.

by Jasper Johns Found in: Humor Quotes,
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