A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold read more

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. 'Hear that?' you say, 'That's dynamite, baby.'

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

Humor has been the balm of my life, but it's been reserved for those close to me, not part of read more

Humor has been the balm of my life, but it's been reserved for those close to me, not part of the public Lana.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw read more

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything read more

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of read more

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.

My mother was awarded the Serbian medal of freedom
for raising 3 dysfunctional Croatian sons.

My mother was awarded the Serbian medal of freedom
for raising 3 dysfunctional Croatian sons.

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.