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a Christmas tree .. the perfect gift
for a guy... the plant is already dead
(monologue Dec 10 2003).
a Christmas tree .. the perfect gift
for a guy... the plant is already dead
(monologue Dec 10 2003).
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's read more
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain.
The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain.
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out read more
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of read more
A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.
Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but read more
Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention, but it has no persuasive value at all.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This read more
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people read more
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
