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I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one read more
I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.
Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.
Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, read more
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.
That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's read more
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
