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To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if read more
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand?' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'
I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus.
I am no longer a curmudgeon.
I am a curmudgeon emeritus.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.
It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.
Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you read more
Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.
That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to read more
Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw read more
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.
With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.
