To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it read more

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.

Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.

Nobody ever died of laughter.

Nobody ever died of laughter.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This read more

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is read more

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another read more

The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.