Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.

Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, read more

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke
in the world.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke
in the world.

If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to read more

If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.

I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, read more

I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it.

I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the read more

I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.

I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humour.

I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humour.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.

If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.