Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother read more

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.

I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all read more

I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob.".

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." read more

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did.".

If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.

If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.

Unconscious humor.

Unconscious humor.

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'

I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's read more

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.